Patooey....

Ok so I am trying not to make this blog about my life and not all about the M-Word, but she is just trying my patients lately. 

The M-Word has not seen the kids’ in almost a month and now she has asked to see them for Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Does this mean that she does not want to see them until then? 

Even if she does, why does she always want them for the fun stuff, or if she has plans.  She never just takes them on the weekend to her house; she just sees them at her parents’ house, when there are more people around to help “control” them.

Also, when I mentioned that we already had plans, she did offer to buy the Halloween costumes, but then stressed the fact that she wanted to take them Trick O’ Treating every year.  I said “no” that I wanted to take them sometimes.  Was that wrong?  She is their mother, but she has a daughter to share these memories with and she doesn’t seem to want to see the boys on regular occasions.  Halloween was very important in my family and I want to be involved in that experience with the boys!

Lately she has been whining about working 7 days a week and not been able to see the boys and how it hurts her, but I was told that she went to theme park that is 2 hours away for their scary Halloween celebration thing last Saturday.  Not only did that take 4 hours of driving time never mind the time spent there, but also it also probably cost her and her boyfriend at least 40 bucks each just to get in.  She has not paid child support in 5 months and before that she only paid for 2 months and that was sporadic.

I know that I am being petty and jealous, but the boys always think that we are mean when we can’t afford to get them what they want, but then Mom the hero swoops down and gets them exactly what they want.  For example, she bought the school supplies this year when the boys saw all those crayons, markers, pencil boxes, etc.  Sugar said, “We have the best mom ever!”  That broke my heart…I wanted to scream, “I spend every ounce of money I have on you! If I had never met you father I would be rich right now, but all I get to buy you is food and clothes, etc,” of course, I didn’t do that.  These babies have my heart and I hate that I feel like I am in a competition.  The only thing is she really doesn’t even have to try.

OOOOOOOH, I’m so mad I could spit J

Patooey (spit noise)

Somebody's throwing a pity party and I'm not going!

Well, I got over my peevedness about the M-Word wanting to use my memories scrapbook (see previous blog). So, I sent her some pics of the boys at the lake and playground this weekend, I figured so what the boys will knoe they went with me when she is showing them her scrapbook.

Here is the response that I received back:

"I appreciate you sending those pics to me, I do miss the boys even though I am sure by now what I say means nothing to you guys. It hurts my heart though to look at the pics at the same time makes me smile to see they are happy and you guys do things with them. But I see they are moving on and probably don't think of me much anymore. I haven't been around to see anyone I am working 7 days now.
Tell them to email me if they have time and send them kisses for me please."

I just don’t understand emails like this. All she has to do is show up! There are plenty of parents who work a lot and they still manage to see their children. She just can’t be bothered and then when she realizes what she is doing she feels bad and makes excuses. I am sure these excuses work on her friends and family, but I know that she did not show up when she did not have 2 jobs, except back then her excuse was because she hated babe.

With all of this said I know in her own way she loves the boys, butI think they are more of a novelty to her. She just pulls them out when she needs an ego boost or to make her parents believe she is trying.

Sugar called me Mommy again; well actually it was Mom, but whatever.

I took the boys to the really cool park that I found again.  The boys met several friends, actually a family of 4 children and their cousin (instant group of friends).

 

Teddy Bear found a dead fish and played with it…yuck; he and his new 8 year old girlfriend buried it and gave it a proper funeral.

 

Well on to the good news.  Sugar and one of his new friends were playing catch with a football (the other boy was on top of the playground and Sugar was on the ground).  They dropped it and I threw it to the other boy and I must have done a good job, because Sugar said “That’s my MOM!”

 

Well, I was excited.  Their Mom hasn’t seen them in almost a month again not since September 13^th.  She’s losing them… I just wish she could see them as the wonderful children that they are.er

Old Crushes die hard

An old friend, that I had a crush on in high school (we almost dated), wrote me an email explaining that he thinks back on me fondly and that I was a fork in his life.

 

He explained that he had asked a magic 8-ball whether or not to pursue me and it told him “no.”

 

He said that he thinks back and wonders where he would be in his life had it said “yes.”

 

Well other than the fact that this is a dumb excuse, I found myself kinda mad. I would have loved to have dated him and I believe that it would have been a great relationship, but do I have a right to be mad?  I may have been married to him and never met my 3 boys.  Babe may not have had the income to raise the boys and he may never have gotten them.  He or they may have been homeless, but would I care?  Would I know?  Would I be happy?

 

I am happy with Babe, but I am not a romantic in the fact that I do not believe in soul mates?

 

Do I, knowing that I am happy now, have any right to be mad that instead of a great High School sweetheart, I was stuck with an abusive jerk (that’s a whole n’other blog)?

 

Life does move on, but that whole if thing drives me nuts!!!  I am glad that everything worked out the way it did, but maybe I could have been happy in high school?

 

Well, I am over it; me and my friend are actually talking for the first time in 10 years…no worries even if I wonder what would have happened I love my dysfunctional family.

 

Sleepy

I had to get up at 5 this morning. That wouldn't be so bad, but I had a paper due last night and of course I procrastinated. Why do I do that! Wouldn't it be nicer if we all just got things done in advance. I wish I could say that I had been super busy but that just was not the case; I was lazy!

I have been doing this since I was a kid but admittedly, my mother, although a procrastinater herself basically kept me on time. I worked 3 jobs while going to school the first time and I went full time except one semester. Then I had excuses for waiting till the last minute!

I guess I will just use the I wanted to spend time with my wonderful family. Or the fact that they are loud and I can never get any studying done!

New Park!

I am sitting at this new park I found. It is great the boys have a lake to swim in or the can play on the playground or there is a miny water park for $1 a person! This is great I am so happy about our move!
But why do boys play in the weeds.  I was a tomboy with the best of them, but I hate late weeds....They hoped in them looked for minoes....It was gross, but I felt peer pressured in to wading in with them.  It is sad that I feel peer pressured by my boys.  I haven't quite decided if that means I still have a childs spirit or it I am one of those pathetic parents who just wants their kids to think they are cool.  Oh, well I guess I should get use to gross stuff.....except bugs...yuck!

Mommy squared!

Sugar is a very logical and smart kid.  Not that he doesn't have an imagination, because he does, but in real life situations he is very matter-of-fact.  If Babe is lecturing him about listening to me he might say "you need to respect Caribel Renee like you would me or your mommy."

 

And sugar would say, "Caribel’s not my mom." He is not being mean, just factual. 

 

Well today, he did it, Sugar called me MOMMY! We were at the store and he was asking for candy but..........

 

I DON"T CARE I AM SOOOOOOO DAMN HAPPY

 

I would feel bad, but I am over it.  I have read a lot of blogs and articles that say that it is bad for the kids to call their step/pseudo mom “MOM”.  I understand that it can be hurtful to their “real” mom, but I didn’t ask them to, I didn’t force them to, they chose to. 

 

And I love them even more than I ever thought I could.

 

The email...

Ok, so this is the mail the boys received from their mother yesterday.

“Hi boys, how are you today? I would like you to ask Caribel Renee to please send me any pics she has of you, I am trying to start keeping better scrap book of the family. When she has time, thanks!

Are you learning anything in school? Did you make a lot of new friends?

I love you”

I am glad that she is attempting to write them more often, but do you really think that it is appropriate for her to ask for Babe and my memories to put in her “family” scrapbooks. It makes my feel a little violated. Sugar said it best “why doesn’t she pick us up and take her own pictures.”

She did see them last weekend, but I have a feeling that was more of her father’s idea, because he travels a lot and happened to be in town. Before that it had been since August 12^th. I just wish she would stop spending time and money on scrap booking and either pay some child support or come and see the boys.

My Pseudo In-laws

Fortunately, for many of you out there you only have one set of in-laws. I have two, my pseudo in-laws, Babe’s parents, and my SUPER pseudo in-laws the boys other grandparents.

This is difficult, Babe’s parents are ok they do not try and butt in much, except they want us to be married and mention it every time we see or talk to them. And Babe’s mom was like super woman, working and keeping the house spotless and a good cook to boot. It is a lot to live up to and I am no where close.

The mom’s mom, however, always makes me feel that nothing is good enough. We were late to one of the 2 baseball games that she attended and she said “if I were the coach I wouldn’t let them play, it’s not fair to the other kids” Geez Louise, it was t-ball. Maybe I am being unfair everyone should be able to take some criticisms and she does give good advice, but she was able to stay home with her daughters and didn’t have to rush home from work throw on uniforms and run out the door! Also, it is hard for me to take parenting criticisms from some one who raised the boys’ selfish brat of a mother (oops I have to stop that).

Is it too much to asked to be contacted a week in advance if they want to pick up the boys (their mother and grandparents are guilty of this)? We never get an email before Friday and we never get a call period for them to get them on one of the weekend days. Never overnight mind you neither their mother nor grandmother wants them for that long, their mother will do it but only when we ask and then beg, which isn’t often.

Wow! I went off on a tangent, well back to the 2 sets of in-laws thing. It is difficult; both sets seem to call me although that has been changing lately since I stopped answering the phone. I like chatting, but I always feel fake. You know even when I am having a bad day I don’t like to worry Babe’s mom and I just want the mommy’s mommy to think all is perfect and heavenly. I noticed that Babe does the same thing though. Well I hope that you never have to impress 2 sets of in-laws, it is exhausting. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Moving happily along.

Well, it has been awhile.

We moved.

I had to let my house go. It was extremely depressing. I thought that I had done the right thing by getting into a house, but unfortunately I bought at the top of the bubble and I was not close to my work.
I could not keep up with the mortgage and the triple transportation costs and I obviously could not sell for what I owed. But the area I live in now is much more diverse and I do not live right outside of millionaire town.
This may seem bad to some people, but I am glad that the boys are not going to have to worry about all the cool stuff their friends have that we cannot afford.
The new place is bigger and it has a fenced in backyard. It'll work until we can buy again in 7 years!

My kids won't be like this!

Well my sister, babysat the boys overnight last weekend. They misbehaved a little bit or a lot I don’t know I wasn’t there. They have their good days and bad days, but for the most part they are good kids. They are loud and rough sometime, but hey they are boys and they are perfect in everyway in my eyes.

Well back to my point, I called my sis to see how they were doing and she was like well they did this and that, nothing horrible. I made the joke that this would be good practice and she said….

“My kids won’t be like this!”

I am sorry, but “ouch” that stung a little. I guess I can’t expect everyone to except their wonderful little faults as much as I do. She did backtrack and say that she meant her kids would not be so close in age and she was seriously thinking of only having one now, but I’m sure she meant what she said. But I think she will be surprised her and I are 3.5 years apart and we were no picnic let me tell you.

Venting

I guess that the boys’ mother has decided that she actually wants to be a mother to be a mother… kinda.  She took them for like three hrs last weekend and wrote them an email.  She told Sugar Bear that she would start seeing them more often but we have not heard from her since.  I know that she will still only see them every two weeks if that, but I hate that she is going to disappoint them.

We got into an argument with her about the fact that she has plenty of money for herself to have fun and party (get her hair done, go to clubs, buy her daughter a water slide for her birthday).  She says that we want her daughter to starve so she can pay us.  Well we told her that we would write off her child support up to this point if she would pay for the divorce.  She is engaged although Sugar and she are still married of course, she wanted to marry her 18-year-old boyfriend 5 months after they started dating.   I am assuming that she is the type who wants to marry everyone she dates until they start treating her nicely.  Well I guess that is the only venting I will get to do, because we promised that we would no longer criticize her as long as she starts being a mother.  So let me say I realize if I were on her side guess I might blame it on Sugar…but I know Sugar and I know that if he had the boys then he would see them more than once a week and pay her all the child support she asked for as he did before they came to live with him.  In fact he saw them at least e3 times a week during the time that we were dating before she gave the boys to Sugar.

Ok so I am done…wait…She is a stupid selfish bitch…ok I am done!

New fashion...

wBabe and Iw decided that it would be better if he stayed home with the *boys* this summer. Maybe I am too modern but I like the thought of going to work everyday and coming home to a clean house with dinner on the table. I guess it could be old fashion thinking that it is better for someone to be at home (we just got it backwards). I found out that I got my promotion…if it is enough money then he will work from home PERMANENTLY!

To hold back or not to hold back?

The baby, Teddy Bear, is below grade level in KINDERGARTEN. He is very young for the grade whereas his

big brother is one of the oldest. We are seriously considering holding him back.


I am worried how it will hurt his self-esteem. My sister was one of the youngest kids in her class also and she struggled through elementary school. She of course turned out , but with his

already low self-esteem, he may be better off being one of the SMARTEST kids in class by being held back.

I the little guy and I feel that this is a huge decision. It may affect the rest of his life!

Heroes

Yesterday it rained off and on all day. Despite the weather, my two friends and I decided to be adventurous and take our kids swimming. When we got to the pool, it was beautiful, the boys started playing with girls, and we even made new Brazilian friends. Life was good!

Then CRACK BOOM, the sky opened up!

Now, most parents Pseudo or not would have given up, but not us. We hunkered down under a large gazebo. The rain would stop in 5 minutes and hey, we were there to get wet anyway!

The rain was coming from all sides. We couldn’t go anywhere if we wanted to now. We kept the young ones warm as the wind howled and the mist soaked us.

Finally, the rain let up and the kids had a great time.

Money is the root of all evil!

I am sitting in the living room looking at the boys. They passed out watching Star Wars Episode I.

I am tired and yet I can’t sleep. I guess I am under the same stress as everyone else in this economy.

I just worry about whether the boys are having a good life.

We do not have money, but we live near one of the wealthiest areas in our little part of the world.

Most of the boys’ friends at school and on their baseball teams have A LOT of money. I know that it shouldn’t matter, but I know it will someday.

I don’t want them to feel that they should have everything that their friends have, but I want them to feel they have enough. I know growing up I wasn’t rich, but I knew that my parents would give me anything I needed.

I am worried that the way life is going we may not always beable to provide that.

I am attending school to get an MBA, but when that pays off I would really like Babe to quit working and spend more time with the boys and CLEAN MY HOUSE (so I don’t have to J)!!!

This will again leave us with less than others, but I really think that the boys need someone at home, with everything they have been through. They love their dad and it would help us to be able to get homework, housework, etc. done.

I really like the whole my house will be clean and my dinner will be on the table concept!!

mommy!?

i have always wondered how i would feel if the boys ever called me mom.

 

when i met babe the boys lived with the m-word.  he saw them a lot, but i was not permitted to meet them until we had been dating for a month and he was fairly certain that i would be around awhile.

 

over the next 6 months or so, babe worked very hard at making sure that i was not left alone with the boys.  it wasn’t that he did not trust me, but he did not feel that the m-word should use me as a baby sister if he was not available (which she tried).  we slowly but surely i became a bigger part of their lives until one day the m-word decided that the boys would be better off with their father.

 

babe and i did not live together at the time (however we did live across the street in separate apartment complexes).  i would help him get the boys to school and pick them up and my role as a parent was starting to develop.

 

four months after babe got sugar and teddy bear we all moved in together into my one bedroom apartment.  at this point the m-word just stopped showing up, not completely mind you, but she would only come once a month or so.  she was still keeping them over night at this point, but that soon teetered off also.  she goes through phases where she will not see them for 2 months and then she will see them every other week and back again.

 

teddy bear took this really hard; sugar has always been daddy’s boy, but babe and the m-word separated when teddy bear was still a baby.  admittedly sugar was not much older, but babe was the one that rocked him to sleep and put him to bed, while them m-word went out and enjoyed a fun filled single lifestyle.

 

teddy bear called me mama every once in a while when his mom had not been around fr a month or two, but as soon as she showed up again it would end.  he also used it more as a term of endearment (i.e. i call him teddy bear when i am tickling or cuddling and not all the time).

 

well, last night after the boys came home from their one day this month with the m-word, babe passed out in the recliner and i was watching a chick flick with the boys (hey soon i will never get to watch them with 3 men around).

 

teddy bear started to cuddle and he said…

 

“i love you, mommy”

 

at first, i thought it was a mistake, but he repeated it over and over in a playful way.

 

“mommymommymommymommy”

 

i was in shock! i was so happy! but then reality set in.  should i stop this.  would them m-word make a big deal about it or would she even know?  we have never told the boys to call me mom, or anything other than my first name.

 

when the boys still lived with the m-word, sugar came to babe’s apartment and said “mommy says lil’boy (the m-word’s young boyfriend) is my new daddy.”  this hurt babe and we explained to him that lil’boy was not his new daddy, because daddy is right here.  we also told him that his mommy should not be telling him to call lil’boy daddy.

 

we have lived by this rule, but should we discourage it, if they make the choice?  he was still using it as an endearing term, but before he distinguished between the 2 of us “mommy vs. mama”

 

i guess i will just go with the flow unless anyone out there has any suggestions.

 

 

Should women pay child support?

This is a good question. It is definitely not the norm. In the past, most mothers have had custody of their children. I have noticed that this is changing, not only in my immediate relationship, but I have been seeing a real trend.

When Babe’s Ex gave him the children, he was so happy about not having to put up a fight that he told her that he would not ask her for any money, but she had to watch the kids on Saturday s because he and I work 6 days a week.

Well she didn’t show up for 3 months after that. That is pretty much the way it went and now it has been 2.5 years

She agreed to pay us money weekly about 2 months ago, but Babe feels bad about it. We do need the money, but it seems like we spend more energy than it is worth trying to collect. Baby sitting sometime would even be nice.

Babe gets hurt by it. He just wants her to be a mom for the kids. Thinking that they may grow up thinking that they were not good enough for her makes it hard to breath. However, if she is only going to show up infrequently and act like they are the last thing on her mind, it would be better for her to just stop coming all together. If she would sign over all rights, she wouldn’t have to pay anything. At least that way we could tell them she moved far away. It may hurt them less.

Baseball??

I missed the boys' first t-ball games!  I had good reason, one of my bestests got married today.  The wedding was beautiful and I wouldn't have missed it for the world, still part of me wishes I had magic powers (2 places at once, time travel, ya know whatever).  That is one thing I didn't realize I needed as a pseudo stepmom, super powers.  The other thing, I mean, that I didn't realise you needed was money.  But what can you do I fell in love with 3 guys at once!  Now I now how playas feel....I'm barrrrroke.   But don't they look cute in their uniforms....Awwwwww.

My Fellas

The BOYS are incredible Sugar is 6 and Teddy Bear is 5. They are 9.5 months apart (amazing right) and a handful. Sugar is so talented; he's going to be a famous baseball player someday. Teddy Bear is going to be a rock star. It amazes me that their mother only finds time for them a couple of hours a month. She always says that she wants to be part of their lives, but...

LIFE 101

list you priorities

if you never find time for them then they are not truly your priorities.

tooooo bad for her i guess.