I like my worst enemy.

On April 8, 2002, my best friend, Red, married Venezuelan Punk Star.  Their marriage wasn’t exactly a happy one.  They loved each other for a while, but then it just seemed to teeter off.  They weren’t unhappy, just not HAPPY HAPPY.

Red and I were friends with Heartbreaker for a long time; in fact she caught the bouquet at Red and VPS’s wedding.  As Red and VPS grew further apart, Heartbreaker and VPS grew closer.  First bonding over their unhappy relationships and then becoming good friends.

Obviously, even though Red did not love VPS anymore, her friend’s growing friendship with her husband bothered her.  Knowing this VPS and Heartbreaker agreed to spend less time together.  Then one night, Red came home to VPS and Heartbreaker sitting up chatting after a friendly get-together.  The only problem was that it was now 4:30 AM.  Admittedly, they were not doing anything wrong, but it was still a slap in the face to Red.

She moved out.

A couple of times Heartbreaker tried to talk to me about “what if”, meaning what would happen if her and VPS got together.  I told her that if she wanted to remain my friend then she would keep it a secret from me.  My friend dating an “important EX” would be my worst nightmare.  I mean, at least there would have to be years in between.  It feels like your friend steeling your memories.  Red and VPS were happy once and they had all of those little cute things and now her friend was thinking of having all of those little cute things too.

Well, of course, VPS and Heartbreaker started dating.  I hated them for it.  It just feels so wrong.  I could never think of my friend’s husband in that way, Divorced or Not.  My friends are like family and it just feels very incestual to me.

Well it has been about 3 years now.  My sister became closer friends with Heartbreaker, because her fiancé and VPS are close friends.  I have always missed Heartbreaker, as we were really good friends and recently I have been forced to choose between my convictions (hating her) and seeing my sister under pleasant circumstances.

I still like her and I want to be friends.  Red lives very far away and we are still and will always remain best friends.  I am just so afraid that if I openly rekindle Heartbreakers and my friendship, Red will be crushed.  I don’t want her to think that I am abandoning her.  I hate this situation!

I love my Red…

Single Dad?

Picture this….I am running late for the parent conferences.  I had purposely left Babe the car (we only have one; I KNOW RIGHT). I purposely did this because I was afraid I would not make it.  I was doing an assessment of a plant.  My employer is perfect willing to lone me one of the company vehicles (the economy has caused an excess of these, if you get me and that way they don’t have to pay me mileage, which I am sure works in their favor).

I walk into Teddy Bear’s conference and I hear “I am a single dad, I don’t get any help from his mother” (gasp sigh tear).  This from the man who when the boys come back from their mothers with all the wonderful things she ahs bought them says “they know who loves them”, this from the man who cuddles and tells me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him and his boys.  This from the man who tells me that no matter what I am their mother (he says this as pillow talk I think; never in front of the babies).  This from the man who’s boys I have been helping to raise from the ages of 3 and 4; the same boys that I have known for more than half of their lives.

How dare he!!!

It hit me hard.  Is he really a “single” parent?  We are not married, but he is not doing it on his own.  He stays home with the boys sure, but can a married stay at home mom call herself a single mom? Who’s income allows him to stay at home with the boys!

MINE!!!

I am writing it off as one of those insensitive man things that boys do sometimes and I did forgive him, but geez…I may not be the “real” mom, but I not only support them financially in every way but I spend time with them too.  I think I am the perfect working parent, I understand on the weekends that he had a week of homework, playing, arguing, and kid talk, so I give him a break and take the kids to the park or some form of fun (I actually enjoy it), before starting on my homework (mba).

I just want to take a minute to pat myself on the back.

“Caribel, you are doing a wonderful job!”

My Pseudo In-laws

Fortunately, for many of you out there you only have one set of in-laws. I have two, my pseudo in-laws, Babe’s parents, and my SUPER pseudo in-laws the boys other grandparents.

This is difficult, Babe’s parents are ok they do not try and butt in much, except they want us to be married and mention it every time we see or talk to them. And Babe’s mom was like super woman, working and keeping the house spotless and a good cook to boot. It is a lot to live up to and I am no where close.

The mom’s mom, however, always makes me feel that nothing is good enough. We were late to one of the 2 baseball games that she attended and she said “if I were the coach I wouldn’t let them play, it’s not fair to the other kids” Geez Louise, it was t-ball. Maybe I am being unfair everyone should be able to take some criticisms and she does give good advice, but she was able to stay home with her daughters and didn’t have to rush home from work throw on uniforms and run out the door! Also, it is hard for me to take parenting criticisms from some one who raised the boys’ selfish brat of a mother (oops I have to stop that).

Is it too much to asked to be contacted a week in advance if they want to pick up the boys (their mother and grandparents are guilty of this)? We never get an email before Friday and we never get a call period for them to get them on one of the weekend days. Never overnight mind you neither their mother nor grandmother wants them for that long, their mother will do it but only when we ask and then beg, which isn’t often.

Wow! I went off on a tangent, well back to the 2 sets of in-laws thing. It is difficult; both sets seem to call me although that has been changing lately since I stopped answering the phone. I like chatting, but I always feel fake. You know even when I am having a bad day I don’t like to worry Babe’s mom and I just want the mommy’s mommy to think all is perfect and heavenly. I noticed that Babe does the same thing though. Well I hope that you never have to impress 2 sets of in-laws, it is exhausting. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Marriage??

So, I really don't want to get married anytime soon...it has nothing to do commitment (I know I'm stuck with these three). It is just that I'm lazy and don't feel the need, however, I feel awkward sometimes. The other day at baseball practice (we live right outside of the capital of rich, stay at home moms) a gorgeous, personal trainer, blonde mom was talking to me and I don't remember the question, but it ended in me saying, "oh, um, I, uh, am their stepmom.” Which lead to "How long have you been married," and God forgive me...I lied "oh, about a year." Is it bad to be embarrassed by something you really don't care about? Afterwards I was like "why did I lie, I could have said I'm their guardian or I don't know?" I truth is I really wasn't embarrassed of the situation, but how it sounds or society or whatever...maybe I will use Pseudo Mom from now on. Yep, that'll work!