Marriage??

So, I really don't want to get married anytime soon...it has nothing to do commitment (I know I'm stuck with these three). It is just that I'm lazy and don't feel the need, however, I feel awkward sometimes. The other day at baseball practice (we live right outside of the capital of rich, stay at home moms) a gorgeous, personal trainer, blonde mom was talking to me and I don't remember the question, but it ended in me saying, "oh, um, I, uh, am their stepmom.” Which lead to "How long have you been married," and God forgive me...I lied "oh, about a year." Is it bad to be embarrassed by something you really don't care about? Afterwards I was like "why did I lie, I could have said I'm their guardian or I don't know?" I truth is I really wasn't embarrassed of the situation, but how it sounds or society or whatever...maybe I will use Pseudo Mom from now on. Yep, that'll work!

So she can play this game too.

The M-Word has a blog too. It is interesting to read and I feel like a cyber stalker but, oh well. It is interesting how things have changed.




Here is a post from June 24, 2004 (about 2 months after Babe and I started dating.  I changed the names to protect the childish, including me):


Well, things are good, Lil’Boy and I have been together about 5 months now, and he is so great! At first we fought a little, but lately we are always happy to see each other and he is super with the boys. Better dad than their biological father, he is an ass. He stopped paying me child support and I wont let him see the boys until he decides to pay me again. I truly hate their dad, I wish he would just jump in front of a bus. But hey what can you do? I got a new job, serving. I always go back to it. I guess I am meant to do it. Hopefully within the year I will be married. Cross your fingers for me!


[it's Caribel here] by the by, he only did not pay her once and it was because he changed jobs other than that he gave her 250 a week, worked 7 days a week and had the boys at least 3 nights a week! The child support was not court ordered he paid her because that is what she said she needed. Oh yeah and she has paid no support in the 2 years they have been with us.  Also, she was still married to Babe at the time, but yet she crossing her fingers that she will be married to the barely 18 boy who would have just graduated high school had he not dropped out.  She was 23 back then.




Now here is one from today, (oh how the tables have turned):


My boys. I have not been the best of mom's to them. I am going to make it up to them. They don't see me like they used to and it scares me. I probably made a big mistake by letting them go live with their dad. If I dont see them it doesn't hurt as bad b/c out of sight out of mind, right? Well, I have been looking at lots of pics [That I sent her] and stuff recently and now I am hurting. Sugar doesn't even like me, and he is 6 in October. I don't want him to like Caribel Renee more than he does me. Boys need their moms. I am so confused by my life and the paths I have chosen. They are a big part of why I dont want anymore kids. I would feel horrible doing that to them.




[I’s me again] We’ll see.  It was not a mistake for her to send the boys to their father, because he saw the at least 3 times overnight per week when the “lived” with her.  She shows up maybe once a month and she hasn’t had them overnight in a year!