Old Crushes die hard

An old friend, that I had a crush on in high school (we almost dated), wrote me an email explaining that he thinks back on me fondly and that I was a fork in his life.

 

He explained that he had asked a magic 8-ball whether or not to pursue me and it told him “no.”

 

He said that he thinks back and wonders where he would be in his life had it said “yes.”

 

Well other than the fact that this is a dumb excuse, I found myself kinda mad. I would have loved to have dated him and I believe that it would have been a great relationship, but do I have a right to be mad?  I may have been married to him and never met my 3 boys.  Babe may not have had the income to raise the boys and he may never have gotten them.  He or they may have been homeless, but would I care?  Would I know?  Would I be happy?

 

I am happy with Babe, but I am not a romantic in the fact that I do not believe in soul mates?

 

Do I, knowing that I am happy now, have any right to be mad that instead of a great High School sweetheart, I was stuck with an abusive jerk (that’s a whole n’other blog)?

 

Life does move on, but that whole if thing drives me nuts!!!  I am glad that everything worked out the way it did, but maybe I could have been happy in high school?

 

Well, I am over it; me and my friend are actually talking for the first time in 10 years…no worries even if I wonder what would have happened I love my dysfunctional family.

 

Sleepy

I had to get up at 5 this morning. That wouldn't be so bad, but I had a paper due last night and of course I procrastinated. Why do I do that! Wouldn't it be nicer if we all just got things done in advance. I wish I could say that I had been super busy but that just was not the case; I was lazy!

I have been doing this since I was a kid but admittedly, my mother, although a procrastinater herself basically kept me on time. I worked 3 jobs while going to school the first time and I went full time except one semester. Then I had excuses for waiting till the last minute!

I guess I will just use the I wanted to spend time with my wonderful family. Or the fact that they are loud and I can never get any studying done!

New Park!

I am sitting at this new park I found. It is great the boys have a lake to swim in or the can play on the playground or there is a miny water park for $1 a person! This is great I am so happy about our move!
But why do boys play in the weeds.  I was a tomboy with the best of them, but I hate late weeds....They hoped in them looked for minoes....It was gross, but I felt peer pressured in to wading in with them.  It is sad that I feel peer pressured by my boys.  I haven't quite decided if that means I still have a childs spirit or it I am one of those pathetic parents who just wants their kids to think they are cool.  Oh, well I guess I should get use to gross stuff.....except bugs...yuck!

Mommy squared!

Sugar is a very logical and smart kid.  Not that he doesn't have an imagination, because he does, but in real life situations he is very matter-of-fact.  If Babe is lecturing him about listening to me he might say "you need to respect Caribel Renee like you would me or your mommy."

 

And sugar would say, "Caribel’s not my mom." He is not being mean, just factual. 

 

Well today, he did it, Sugar called me MOMMY! We were at the store and he was asking for candy but..........

 

I DON"T CARE I AM SOOOOOOO DAMN HAPPY

 

I would feel bad, but I am over it.  I have read a lot of blogs and articles that say that it is bad for the kids to call their step/pseudo mom “MOM”.  I understand that it can be hurtful to their “real” mom, but I didn’t ask them to, I didn’t force them to, they chose to. 

 

And I love them even more than I ever thought I could.

 

The email...

Ok, so this is the mail the boys received from their mother yesterday.

“Hi boys, how are you today? I would like you to ask Caribel Renee to please send me any pics she has of you, I am trying to start keeping better scrap book of the family. When she has time, thanks!

Are you learning anything in school? Did you make a lot of new friends?

I love you”

I am glad that she is attempting to write them more often, but do you really think that it is appropriate for her to ask for Babe and my memories to put in her “family” scrapbooks. It makes my feel a little violated. Sugar said it best “why doesn’t she pick us up and take her own pictures.”

She did see them last weekend, but I have a feeling that was more of her father’s idea, because he travels a lot and happened to be in town. Before that it had been since August 12^th. I just wish she would stop spending time and money on scrap booking and either pay some child support or come and see the boys.

My Pseudo In-laws

Fortunately, for many of you out there you only have one set of in-laws. I have two, my pseudo in-laws, Babe’s parents, and my SUPER pseudo in-laws the boys other grandparents.

This is difficult, Babe’s parents are ok they do not try and butt in much, except they want us to be married and mention it every time we see or talk to them. And Babe’s mom was like super woman, working and keeping the house spotless and a good cook to boot. It is a lot to live up to and I am no where close.

The mom’s mom, however, always makes me feel that nothing is good enough. We were late to one of the 2 baseball games that she attended and she said “if I were the coach I wouldn’t let them play, it’s not fair to the other kids” Geez Louise, it was t-ball. Maybe I am being unfair everyone should be able to take some criticisms and she does give good advice, but she was able to stay home with her daughters and didn’t have to rush home from work throw on uniforms and run out the door! Also, it is hard for me to take parenting criticisms from some one who raised the boys’ selfish brat of a mother (oops I have to stop that).

Is it too much to asked to be contacted a week in advance if they want to pick up the boys (their mother and grandparents are guilty of this)? We never get an email before Friday and we never get a call period for them to get them on one of the weekend days. Never overnight mind you neither their mother nor grandmother wants them for that long, their mother will do it but only when we ask and then beg, which isn’t often.

Wow! I went off on a tangent, well back to the 2 sets of in-laws thing. It is difficult; both sets seem to call me although that has been changing lately since I stopped answering the phone. I like chatting, but I always feel fake. You know even when I am having a bad day I don’t like to worry Babe’s mom and I just want the mommy’s mommy to think all is perfect and heavenly. I noticed that Babe does the same thing though. Well I hope that you never have to impress 2 sets of in-laws, it is exhausting. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Moving happily along.

Well, it has been awhile.

We moved.

I had to let my house go. It was extremely depressing. I thought that I had done the right thing by getting into a house, but unfortunately I bought at the top of the bubble and I was not close to my work.
I could not keep up with the mortgage and the triple transportation costs and I obviously could not sell for what I owed. But the area I live in now is much more diverse and I do not live right outside of millionaire town.
This may seem bad to some people, but I am glad that the boys are not going to have to worry about all the cool stuff their friends have that we cannot afford.
The new place is bigger and it has a fenced in backyard. It'll work until we can buy again in 7 years!

My kids won't be like this!

Well my sister, babysat the boys overnight last weekend. They misbehaved a little bit or a lot I don’t know I wasn’t there. They have their good days and bad days, but for the most part they are good kids. They are loud and rough sometime, but hey they are boys and they are perfect in everyway in my eyes.

Well back to my point, I called my sis to see how they were doing and she was like well they did this and that, nothing horrible. I made the joke that this would be good practice and she said….

“My kids won’t be like this!”

I am sorry, but “ouch” that stung a little. I guess I can’t expect everyone to except their wonderful little faults as much as I do. She did backtrack and say that she meant her kids would not be so close in age and she was seriously thinking of only having one now, but I’m sure she meant what she said. But I think she will be surprised her and I are 3.5 years apart and we were no picnic let me tell you.