mommy!?

i have always wondered how i would feel if the boys ever called me mom.

 

when i met babe the boys lived with the m-word.  he saw them a lot, but i was not permitted to meet them until we had been dating for a month and he was fairly certain that i would be around awhile.

 

over the next 6 months or so, babe worked very hard at making sure that i was not left alone with the boys.  it wasn’t that he did not trust me, but he did not feel that the m-word should use me as a baby sister if he was not available (which she tried).  we slowly but surely i became a bigger part of their lives until one day the m-word decided that the boys would be better off with their father.

 

babe and i did not live together at the time (however we did live across the street in separate apartment complexes).  i would help him get the boys to school and pick them up and my role as a parent was starting to develop.

 

four months after babe got sugar and teddy bear we all moved in together into my one bedroom apartment.  at this point the m-word just stopped showing up, not completely mind you, but she would only come once a month or so.  she was still keeping them over night at this point, but that soon teetered off also.  she goes through phases where she will not see them for 2 months and then she will see them every other week and back again.

 

teddy bear took this really hard; sugar has always been daddy’s boy, but babe and the m-word separated when teddy bear was still a baby.  admittedly sugar was not much older, but babe was the one that rocked him to sleep and put him to bed, while them m-word went out and enjoyed a fun filled single lifestyle.

 

teddy bear called me mama every once in a while when his mom had not been around fr a month or two, but as soon as she showed up again it would end.  he also used it more as a term of endearment (i.e. i call him teddy bear when i am tickling or cuddling and not all the time).

 

well, last night after the boys came home from their one day this month with the m-word, babe passed out in the recliner and i was watching a chick flick with the boys (hey soon i will never get to watch them with 3 men around).

 

teddy bear started to cuddle and he said…

 

“i love you, mommy”

 

at first, i thought it was a mistake, but he repeated it over and over in a playful way.

 

“mommymommymommymommy”

 

i was in shock! i was so happy! but then reality set in.  should i stop this.  would them m-word make a big deal about it or would she even know?  we have never told the boys to call me mom, or anything other than my first name.

 

when the boys still lived with the m-word, sugar came to babe’s apartment and said “mommy says lil’boy (the m-word’s young boyfriend) is my new daddy.”  this hurt babe and we explained to him that lil’boy was not his new daddy, because daddy is right here.  we also told him that his mommy should not be telling him to call lil’boy daddy.

 

we have lived by this rule, but should we discourage it, if they make the choice?  he was still using it as an endearing term, but before he distinguished between the 2 of us “mommy vs. mama”

 

i guess i will just go with the flow unless anyone out there has any suggestions.

 

 

Should women pay child support?

This is a good question. It is definitely not the norm. In the past, most mothers have had custody of their children. I have noticed that this is changing, not only in my immediate relationship, but I have been seeing a real trend.

When Babe’s Ex gave him the children, he was so happy about not having to put up a fight that he told her that he would not ask her for any money, but she had to watch the kids on Saturday s because he and I work 6 days a week.

Well she didn’t show up for 3 months after that. That is pretty much the way it went and now it has been 2.5 years

She agreed to pay us money weekly about 2 months ago, but Babe feels bad about it. We do need the money, but it seems like we spend more energy than it is worth trying to collect. Baby sitting sometime would even be nice.

Babe gets hurt by it. He just wants her to be a mom for the kids. Thinking that they may grow up thinking that they were not good enough for her makes it hard to breath. However, if she is only going to show up infrequently and act like they are the last thing on her mind, it would be better for her to just stop coming all together. If she would sign over all rights, she wouldn’t have to pay anything. At least that way we could tell them she moved far away. It may hurt them less.

Baseball??

I missed the boys' first t-ball games!  I had good reason, one of my bestests got married today.  The wedding was beautiful and I wouldn't have missed it for the world, still part of me wishes I had magic powers (2 places at once, time travel, ya know whatever).  That is one thing I didn't realize I needed as a pseudo stepmom, super powers.  The other thing, I mean, that I didn't realise you needed was money.  But what can you do I fell in love with 3 guys at once!  Now I now how playas feel....I'm barrrrroke.   But don't they look cute in their uniforms....Awwwwww.

My Fellas

The BOYS are incredible Sugar is 6 and Teddy Bear is 5. They are 9.5 months apart (amazing right) and a handful. Sugar is so talented; he's going to be a famous baseball player someday. Teddy Bear is going to be a rock star. It amazes me that their mother only finds time for them a couple of hours a month. She always says that she wants to be part of their lives, but...

LIFE 101

list you priorities

if you never find time for them then they are not truly your priorities.

tooooo bad for her i guess.

Marriage??

So, I really don't want to get married anytime soon...it has nothing to do commitment (I know I'm stuck with these three). It is just that I'm lazy and don't feel the need, however, I feel awkward sometimes. The other day at baseball practice (we live right outside of the capital of rich, stay at home moms) a gorgeous, personal trainer, blonde mom was talking to me and I don't remember the question, but it ended in me saying, "oh, um, I, uh, am their stepmom.” Which lead to "How long have you been married," and God forgive me...I lied "oh, about a year." Is it bad to be embarrassed by something you really don't care about? Afterwards I was like "why did I lie, I could have said I'm their guardian or I don't know?" I truth is I really wasn't embarrassed of the situation, but how it sounds or society or whatever...maybe I will use Pseudo Mom from now on. Yep, that'll work!