A different sort of Halloween

I took the boys to a festival.

 

It was great.  They had all sorts of things for them to do:

 

1. Trick or Treating (of course) at tents and businesses.
2. Bounce houses and slides
3. A wizard who looked oddly like the mall Santa (he is a really good Santa and a wizard for that matter, real beard and all).
4. characters to take pics with (tall scarecrow, Darth Vader, etc)
5. There was a carnival type area too, but it was EXPENSIVE!

 

There were all sorts of people in costumes; these two toddlers were dressed as McCain and Obama (it was priceless).  I really liked it!  I think I will take them there every year.  It was definitely better than the boring old walk around the neighborhood and had the added bonus that they were having so much fun that they did not get that much candy!

Single Dad?

Picture this….I am running late for the parent conferences.  I had purposely left Babe the car (we only have one; I KNOW RIGHT). I purposely did this because I was afraid I would not make it.  I was doing an assessment of a plant.  My employer is perfect willing to lone me one of the company vehicles (the economy has caused an excess of these, if you get me and that way they don’t have to pay me mileage, which I am sure works in their favor).

I walk into Teddy Bear’s conference and I hear “I am a single dad, I don’t get any help from his mother” (gasp sigh tear).  This from the man who when the boys come back from their mothers with all the wonderful things she ahs bought them says “they know who loves them”, this from the man who cuddles and tells me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him and his boys.  This from the man who tells me that no matter what I am their mother (he says this as pillow talk I think; never in front of the babies).  This from the man who’s boys I have been helping to raise from the ages of 3 and 4; the same boys that I have known for more than half of their lives.

How dare he!!!

It hit me hard.  Is he really a “single” parent?  We are not married, but he is not doing it on his own.  He stays home with the boys sure, but can a married stay at home mom call herself a single mom? Who’s income allows him to stay at home with the boys!

MINE!!!

I am writing it off as one of those insensitive man things that boys do sometimes and I did forgive him, but geez…I may not be the “real” mom, but I not only support them financially in every way but I spend time with them too.  I think I am the perfect working parent, I understand on the weekends that he had a week of homework, playing, arguing, and kid talk, so I give him a break and take the kids to the park or some form of fun (I actually enjoy it), before starting on my homework (mba).

I just want to take a minute to pat myself on the back.

“Caribel, you are doing a wonderful job!”

Bio mom?

I had resigned myself to a life with the boys and Babe along time ago, figuring even if I ever wanted a child/children of my own that it just was not in the cards.

Babe was fixed after Teddy Bear came along.

I loved them so much that I thought that it would never matter.

I know that he can get a reversal, but Babe is one of 3 boys and he has 2, his brother has 2, and admittedly his other brother has 3 girls.  This is just statistically not enough X chromosomes for me.

Not that I wouldn’t want another son, but I already have 2 and I want a little princess.  There is far too much testosterone in my home already.

I have considered adopting, but I really want a 1 or 2 year old, but as far as I can see through research most of them have extreme medical problems.  I think those who could take on a child like this are angels, but the boys have been through enough and should not have to compete with a sick child also.  Besides we do not have the money to support a child with special needs.

Well, a friend of a friend got pregnant and did not want to keep the baby.

This got me thinking, I do have the finances to raise another child, but I do not have the finances to go through an adoption.  I may be sounding ignorant here, but could she just give me the baby, with a little paperwork and filing fees or is it a lot more complicated than that?

Also, how do you bring it up and how do you say, “Well I only want them if they are girl.”

I really wish that this situation hadn’t happened, because it reminded me that although I never wanted children till I was at least 30 (blew that out the window at 25 and they were already 3 and 4) I did always want at least one girl and I still do.

Patooey....

Ok so I am trying not to make this blog about my life and not all about the M-Word, but she is just trying my patients lately. 

The M-Word has not seen the kids’ in almost a month and now she has asked to see them for Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Does this mean that she does not want to see them until then? 

Even if she does, why does she always want them for the fun stuff, or if she has plans.  She never just takes them on the weekend to her house; she just sees them at her parents’ house, when there are more people around to help “control” them.

Also, when I mentioned that we already had plans, she did offer to buy the Halloween costumes, but then stressed the fact that she wanted to take them Trick O’ Treating every year.  I said “no” that I wanted to take them sometimes.  Was that wrong?  She is their mother, but she has a daughter to share these memories with and she doesn’t seem to want to see the boys on regular occasions.  Halloween was very important in my family and I want to be involved in that experience with the boys!

Lately she has been whining about working 7 days a week and not been able to see the boys and how it hurts her, but I was told that she went to theme park that is 2 hours away for their scary Halloween celebration thing last Saturday.  Not only did that take 4 hours of driving time never mind the time spent there, but also it also probably cost her and her boyfriend at least 40 bucks each just to get in.  She has not paid child support in 5 months and before that she only paid for 2 months and that was sporadic.

I know that I am being petty and jealous, but the boys always think that we are mean when we can’t afford to get them what they want, but then Mom the hero swoops down and gets them exactly what they want.  For example, she bought the school supplies this year when the boys saw all those crayons, markers, pencil boxes, etc.  Sugar said, “We have the best mom ever!”  That broke my heart…I wanted to scream, “I spend every ounce of money I have on you! If I had never met you father I would be rich right now, but all I get to buy you is food and clothes, etc,” of course, I didn’t do that.  These babies have my heart and I hate that I feel like I am in a competition.  The only thing is she really doesn’t even have to try.

OOOOOOOH, I’m so mad I could spit J

Patooey (spit noise)

Somebody's throwing a pity party and I'm not going!

Well, I got over my peevedness about the M-Word wanting to use my memories scrapbook (see previous blog). So, I sent her some pics of the boys at the lake and playground this weekend, I figured so what the boys will knoe they went with me when she is showing them her scrapbook.

Here is the response that I received back:

"I appreciate you sending those pics to me, I do miss the boys even though I am sure by now what I say means nothing to you guys. It hurts my heart though to look at the pics at the same time makes me smile to see they are happy and you guys do things with them. But I see they are moving on and probably don't think of me much anymore. I haven't been around to see anyone I am working 7 days now.
Tell them to email me if they have time and send them kisses for me please."

I just don’t understand emails like this. All she has to do is show up! There are plenty of parents who work a lot and they still manage to see their children. She just can’t be bothered and then when she realizes what she is doing she feels bad and makes excuses. I am sure these excuses work on her friends and family, but I know that she did not show up when she did not have 2 jobs, except back then her excuse was because she hated babe.

With all of this said I know in her own way she loves the boys, butI think they are more of a novelty to her. She just pulls them out when she needs an ego boost or to make her parents believe she is trying.

Sugar called me Mommy again; well actually it was Mom, but whatever.

I took the boys to the really cool park that I found again.  The boys met several friends, actually a family of 4 children and their cousin (instant group of friends).

 

Teddy Bear found a dead fish and played with it…yuck; he and his new 8 year old girlfriend buried it and gave it a proper funeral.

 

Well on to the good news.  Sugar and one of his new friends were playing catch with a football (the other boy was on top of the playground and Sugar was on the ground).  They dropped it and I threw it to the other boy and I must have done a good job, because Sugar said “That’s my MOM!”

 

Well, I was excited.  Their Mom hasn’t seen them in almost a month again not since September 13^th.  She’s losing them… I just wish she could see them as the wonderful children that they are.er